Shadow
by ally.enchantress
Summary: Elliot was always jealous of the men Olivia took on dates, but his safety net had always been their friendship. They were best friends, and nothing could change that. Never before had he felt the need to be jealous of someone for that too. post Shadow


**Post-ep for "Shadow". Any relationships are undefined.**

**Disclaimer: In my **_**imaginary**_** world, SVU is mine. That is enough.**

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Olivia slid into the small room, where Elliot stood with his back to her. She turned to grin at Ash. "First my boots, now my shirt," she commented.

Ash chuckled softly. "We'll go shopping," he promised teasingly, and Olivia laughed. That accent of his made everything he said sound so official. What was it about accents that were so compelling? Every woman seemed absolutely entranced by the British inflections her friend spoke with. In all honesty, she liked it, too. Yes, she was the stereotypical woman who thought British accents were sexy. That did not mean she thought of Ash that way. He was just a friend. A friend who owed her a shirt and a pair of very expensive boots. They would go shopping later, huh? She would hold him to that.

"Can we just get through with this first?" Elliot asked, a little put out by his companions' banter. Their casual give-and-take, mild flirtation, various compliments and nicknames…it reminded him of the old days, years ago, when he and Liv didn't have so much crap between them. He knew the saying; stuff happens, you just gotta get over it. Well, their "stuff" had grown to monumental height. If they tried to climb it now, they would probably freeze in the high altitudes before they could make it over the top. What would Liv say? _"Bring a jacket."_

Though his gaze did not waver from the screen before him, he could sense Liv moving behind him, getting herself situated, and he knew Ramsey was doing the same. He knew Olivia was standing behind him to his right, with her weight centered and arms at her sides, accommodating herself to the lack of personal space. All he could assume was that her new best friend was at her side. Where Elliot should have been. His chest burned with an emotion he recognized as jealousy. He was jealous of this Ashok Ramsey. He had been jealous when Liv chose Ramsey to go visit their pal Nigel, he had been jealous when she had chosen to stand with Ramsey instead of him when they were in Cragen's office, he was jealous when she had gone off with the man to pick up Anne Gillette instead of asking him to come. Protecting him from the fallout? Yeah, right. She knew he didn't care about the fallout; she just wanted to hang out with Ramsey. Her new best friend.

New best friend.

Elliot's heart seared with fiery anger, and it was all he could do to stand still and not deck Ramsey right then and there for even thinking of stealing his Liv. His Liv. His Olivia. The ferocity of his feelings of possession surprised him. However, the words themselves were not shocking in the least. It made sense. She was his. Olivia was his. She was not Simon's, or Kurt Moss's, or Dean Porter's, or Ashok Ramsey's, she was his. His Olivia. The word shot through his mind like a bullet.

_Mine._

In that locker room, just before she walked out, it took all of his willpower to keep from grabbing her arm, pulling her to him, and kissing her full on the lips. She would have killed him, but he would have done it anyway, because there was no way he could let her put herself in that much danger, just because she needed to play superwoman. What was she trying to prove? That she was brave? That she was strong? That she didn't need Elliot to protect her? She didn't have to prove that! Elliot knew that already. Liv was ten times braver than him on any given day, ten times stronger, and ten times better able to protect herself. Anytime, anywhere. She didn't have to show him anything. And yet she continued to do it anyway.

Didn't she get it? He loved her! He couldn't handle seeing her hurt. Knowing she could protect herself did not assuage his fear at all. The only think it did was make him worry more, worry that this was going to be the day she would encounter something she could not beat. Worry that this would be the day her desperate need to be independent would get her killed. He loved her, darn it, and she couldn't keep doing this to him. He'd about had a heart attack when she walked out that locker room door, because the words Anne Gillette had spoken rang in his ears.

"_If you honestly think I could do that to someone I love, what do you think I could do to someone _you_ love?"_

Had she…? Did she know? He was unsure of how she could know, but she seemed to. That look in her eyes when she said it had told him everything. She knew. _"Someone you love,"_ she had said. Not someone you live with, not someone you're obligated to be with, not the beautiful children you brought into this world. Someone you love. In the romantic sense. She would go after Liv. His Liv. That was why she and Ramsey had hits on them, but not Elliot. Anne was going after Olivia, because she was the person he loved. So he sent Kathy to her sister's and made sure she took the children, because he knew she would go. He could protect her. She let him protect her. Unlike Olivia. If he told Liv he wanted her to go somewhere safe until the threat blew over, she would laugh in his face.

"_I can handle Anne Gillette,"_ she had promised.

But she hadn't handled her. No, all she and Ramsey had done was get themselves into a huge mess that, had it not been orchestrated by the NYPD, would have been horrendous. Seeing her shot – no, she had not been shot at, she had practically been ripped in half by the ten plus bullets that drove against her chest. Seeing her like that, blood – fake blood – spraying from the police jacket she wore, staining her pale blue shirt, splattering her face, her neck… Elliot shuddered, in the throes of horrible memories now. He did not even pay attention to the screen as the flashback washed over him.

* * *

"_Go, go, go!" shouted Olivia, bracing herself against the car while Ramsey gunned the engine in full reverse, only to be stopped by the huge semi. Some cop with a special license was driving it, but Elliot still wanted to rip him to pieces for blocking his partner's only way of escape. When Cragen told him this plan, a few minutes after Olivia left, Elliot had not liked it. He had not liked it then, and he did not like it now. But he still had to watch, concealed in the alley with his captain, as Fin fired round upon round of bullets from his machine gun. The virtually harmless ammunition pounded into Ramsey, and then Fin turned the weapon on Olivia. Elliot watched, eyes wide, muscles tense, as hole after hole appeared in his partner's beautiful form. Her entire body jolted from the force of the shots. She fell against the car, the Glock sliding from her grip, and she fell to the ground, where she lay limp and unmoving._

_Elliot's entire body was trembling with the adrenaline coursing through his veins. He bounced on the balls of his feet, chomping at the bit like a racehorse at the starting gate, wanted to go to Liv. Cragen actually had to grab both of his arms and forcibly restrain him until the cursed white van was out of sight. "She's fine, Elliot," he muttered. "She's fine!"_

_As soon as they were in the clear, Cragen slackened his grip, and Elliot had bolted. He was at Olivia's side immediately, sliding a hand beneath her head, fingers raking through her soft hair. She was groaning and cursing, gasping for breath. She told him she was alright, but she still allowed him to pull her into a sitting position. He desperately wanted to make sure nothing had penetrated, but his hands were forbidden to roam where she had been hit, so he watched her gingerly pat herself down. Slender fingers massaged the spot right above her left breast, and she swore again._

"_That's going to bruise," she hissed, wincing as she explored the area with more care. And then she looked around. Not at Elliot, but at Ramsey. "You alright?" she called._

_Walking over to her, he put a hand to his head and rolled his eyes. "I've been hit harder," he told her._

_Elliot glared at him and offered Liv his hand. So did Ramsey. Olivia's big, brown eyes flickered between the hands for a moment before taking both and pulling herself upright. She tried to catch Elliot's eye, but he would not look at her, so she turned to Ramsey and grinned. He smiled back._

_Unable to take it anymore, Elliot spun on his heel and strode away, slamming the door of the surveillance van much harder than was necessary._

* * *

Olivia walked out of the hotel room with Ash, quite content to watch her partner ahead of her. The hard, defined muscles in his back and arms, visible even beneath his shirt, rippled fluidly as he moved. How did he walk like that? Like he was some kind of dangerous animal, coiled and tense, just waiting to spring. She loved watching him. She did not have to speak to him; she could just watch him all day. Every expression, every thought, every word, every little twitch. She would watch them all. There was no way she could ever grow tired of watching her partner.

After ten years, nothing he did escaped her notice. She was that attuned to him. If he were one person packed into the crowd of people packed into Times Square on New Year's Eve, she could find him. She didn't have to test it; she just knew she could. Just like she knew he was jealous of her friendship with Ash.

Well, he could just suck it up and get over that, because she liked Ash. He was a very interesting, multilayered person, she had discovered, and she enjoyed the adventure of deciphering the man beneath all those layers. Another thing she enjoyed – she had to admit it – was the easy communication they seemed to have. Their smooth, give-and-take conversation in his house last night had been wonderful, and then today… Their teasing, talking, maybe a little casual flirting…it was like how she and Elliot used to be. Maybe she was just pining for her old relationship with her partner, and that was probably part of the case, but she sensed a deeper desire to be around Ashok Ramsey. She liked him. He was kind, funny, a little bit of a smart-ass, with a great sense of humor. Hanging out with him was just fun, and she looked forward to the shopping excursion she would not let him forget about.

Elliot strode further ahead of them, slamming the door of his sedan and driving off without so much as a 'good night' to her. She tried not to let it hurt, but it did anyway. And plus, she didn't have a ride anymore. Oh, well. She could walk. It wasn't that far…

Warm fingers brushed her arm, and she met Ash's eyes. "I believe I owe you a new shirt?" he asked in his oh-so-sexy accent.

Reluctantly, she nodded. Although she was quite eager to replace the bloodstained blue shirt, which happened to be one of her favorites, she was hesitant about clearing the tab she had started so quickly. It was almost like Ash was trying to hurry it along, and she worried slightly that once his debt had been taken care of, he would move on to whatever a Special Frauds Unit detective did with his life. She would admit she liked having an excuse to hang around and bother him a little.

"Well," said Ash, gesturing to the expensive-looking car they had driven here, "It's a little macabre right now, but I think we can take it to the store."

Olivia laughed. "Macabre?" She ran her fingers over the passenger-side door, which was sprinkled with drops of faux blood. "She's just got character."

"Character that you put there," Ash shot back as they got in the car and started down the road. "Why couldn't you make the blood spray in the other direction? I could have saved myself the cost of getting it repainted."

"Oh, so if those had been real bullets, and I had nearly died, you wouldn't be concerned at all for my health as long as your precious car didn't need a new paint job?" demanded Olivia.

"Of course I'd be concerned for your health!" Ash was indignant.

Olivia's eyebrows rose. "Oh?"

"Yes!" He glanced over at her. "I'd be calling you about paying for the damages."

Of course.

They bantered like that all the way to the store, and Ash caught many a woman's eye as they wandered the shops, looking for a shirt and boots for Olivia. Their bloodstained clothes also attracted some unnecessary attention from the mall cops around, but Olivia exhibited once again her uncanny ability to be, as Elliot put it, very persuasive, and they were eventually left alone, with nothing left to do but clear Ash's tab in peace.

As it turned out, Ash was a good shopper. This surprised Olivia, because every man she'd ever dared to go shopping with – not that she went often – had hovered around the doorway looking awkward and uncomfortable. Even Elliot had opted to give Olivia his credit card instead of brave the mall to find Kathy's birthday present. Not only did Ash actually enter the terrifying cave of _clothes_, but he was knowledgeable in the language of fashion as well, better versed than Olivia, who despite her adversity to shopping, had a commendable fashion sense.

Their excursion took several hours, mostly because they had spent the better part of ninety minutes debating over whether or not the actual cost of the shirt and boots had any influence over the replacement items Olivia selected. She did not want him to pay anything more than she would force him to, and he replied smoothly that money was not an issue, and that she should choose the things she liked best, not something that would best fit into a certain price range. Then they had brought up the issue of emotional scarring, and whether or not that played a role in the tab either. Ash conceded that deigning to allow a man such as Nigel to actually bend over her leg, touch her leg, and physically lick her own pair of boots was extremely horrendous and traumatic to even consider. He also agreed that being shot at was an adrenaline rush, but Olivia reminded him that he had been subject to the same panic, and that nullified its influence.

At one point, their argument became so heated that a mall cop they had not seen yet told them to break it up. The man had clearly never seen blood in his life and nearly fainted when he saw the state of their attire. Olivia worked her magic once again, and the cop left.

Back in Ash's frightfully expensive car, Olivia arranged the box containing her new boots so that it lay flat across her lap and balanced the bag holding her shirt. She sighed and rested her head against the window. "Thanks," she said.

"Am I free?" he inquired, and she nodded. His tab was officially cleared. He smirked. "So, now that I'm not indebted to you," he said, "I suppose I should mention that I would quite like to do this again sometime."

A small smile creeping over her face, Olivia nodded. "Spending money on me was fun, wasn't it?"

He laughed. "I was obligated to spend money on you. Perhaps someone should have warned me that doing so would be much harder than I had expected." Brown eyes flickered to her and back. "You don't much like people doing things for you, do you?"

"Not really." Funnily enough, she found herself answering his questions automatically.

"Hmm… I'm sure that makes it hard on your partner," commented Ash.

Olivia frowned. "How so?" she asked.

"Well, it would make it very hard," Ash said, "to do his job. As your partner, he is supposed to constantly have your back and protect you. It seems that your resistance in this area would cause a bit of difficulty for him."

"He needs to know I can do my job without him," Olivia said monotonously.

Ash contradicted, "No, he needs to know that you can protect yourself because he cares about you, and he doesn't want to see you hurt. You need to be independent, yes, but partners are also codependent. That's just the way it is. Partners are there for you to lean on, protect, and take care of, and they do the same for you." He paused and glanced over to make sure his audience was listening. She was. "It is clear to me that Elliot Stabler cares deeply about you, and it is also clear that you care deeply about him as well. That only makes the protective urge stronger. While any police officer needs to be able to defend him or herself, another necessary attribute is the ability to know when your partner needs to care for you."

"Needs?" Olivia asked. She knew the feeling, but nobody had ever come right out and defined it as a physical, tangible need.

"Needs," confirmed Ash, nodding. "My last partner just couldn't accept that sometimes it physically hurt me to not be able to protect him when he needed it. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about." He looked at her, and she bobbed her head up and down. "He was intent upon being independent, and he never stopped to consider the other part of a partnership…until it was too late." Something in Ash seemed to harden, and he stared resolutely forward. "One day, he was going up against a sadistic white-collar criminal, who just happened to double as a sharpshooter. He thought he could handle the man on his own, so he didn't bother to tell me what he was doing. When the Chief of Detectives asked me the next day where I was while my partner was getting himself killed, I had to tell him I had no idea."

Similarities always seemed to show up when Olivia least expected them to, and they were showing up now. Ash's partner had done almost exactly what Olivia had done to Elliot earlier that day. She just blew him off, telling him she was trying to protect him when really all she had been trying to do was show she could take care of herself without him. Hadn't she seen the pained look on his face? Hadn't she thought that was just jealousy? It hadn't been, she realized. He apparently had the same need she did, this fiery, burning, insatiable need to make absolutely sure that she had not a scratch on her skin when she came back to the house in the evenings.

Everything suddenly seemed to make just a little more sense.

"But continuing on," Ash began, "I stand by my previous statement: I would quite like to do this again sometime." Having made his point, he changed the subject.

Olivia welcomed it. Her mind could go over these revelations in the sanctity of her own apartment. "And I say again: spending money on me was fun?"

"Spending time with you is fun," Ash corrected. "I believe that we could be looking at a friendship in the making. So, if you would like to develop this friendship…" he pulled up to the curb beside the precinct, where Olivia got out, "do not hesitate to call." He handed her a card. Smirking and chuckling, she pocketed it.

"Go find that lawyer," she laughed. "And kiss her goodnight this time!"

Ash drove off, and Olivia walked up the precinct steps. Her feet knew the way without hesitation, and her mind was free to wander. She was still thinking about what Ash had said when she made it to the locker room. Where he was. How she had known he was there, she could not determine. But he was there, and he was looking at her, and he was upset.

Well, she supposed she could give Ash's logic a try. It seemed to work most of the time. She looked up, and her brown eyes collided with blue. "Hey, El," she said cautiously. "About today…"

**Finis**

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